My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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