after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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