I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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