You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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