remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
