Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
