I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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