I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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