would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
