so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
