you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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