Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
