No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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