Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
