i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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