You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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