that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
