Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Oh god it's open bar.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
