I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
