ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Boobs speak an international language.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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