I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
