Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
