how can u be prego again
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
