It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
what day is it and did you see me today?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
MIDGETS
????
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
