she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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