Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
