I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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