Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
