Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
