In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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