I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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