Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
