Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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