So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
