Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
