It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
