And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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