Soap is not a condiment
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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