I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
