I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
