Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
