I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
