Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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