well I can't set my house on fire every night
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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