I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize