I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize