Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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