Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
porn star boner night. come get it.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
