I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
