apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
