Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
