Capitaan dildo arrescate!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
