He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
