i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
