best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
