So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
