I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
