look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
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When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
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I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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