I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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