if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
