I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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