i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
