Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
