you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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