Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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