Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize