I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
