so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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