I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
