I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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