I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
